That Floating Excrement Was Way Too Meaningful! These Are the TV Disappointments of the Year.

As we reflect on the TV offerings of the past year, a selection of shows emerge not for their excellence, but for their notable failures. From awkward spin-offs to bafflingly poor documentaries, here are the programmes that left us utterly bewildered or simply reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

How to start with this divisive follow-up? Plagued with dreadful scripts, cringe-inducing character development (justice for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the series fought to find its footing. Briefly, as the third season started, it looked like it had finally found its groove. Then arrived an installment centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the creator declared this would be the final season. It ended on a bum note; the lingering shot of Miranda’s toilet flooded with poo was just way too symbolic. Still, viewers undeniably had a hoot dissecting every single “wtf?” episode. And as Carrie – once again single – twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t let out a small sob?

All’s Fair

‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was practically the least of this drama's problems. The subject of a exceedingly uncommon no-star assessment, it was hard to know where to begin enumerating the problems. The laughably wooden writing? The tedious veneration of affluence and materialism? The seemingly deliberate procession of tropes? Performances so poor they felt almost malicious? Let’s just say “all of the above” and forget about this show again. However, a new season has been ordered, so we’re likely going to have to.

AKA Charlie Sheen

Considering the legal troubles, abuse allegations and fatherly shortcomings, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not that you’d really have known it from this multi-part docuseries which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of reckless hedonism while failing to tell us anything we weren't already aware of. Rather, it felt as if this loose cannon was being pandered to, so any sympathy this series might induce should be saved for the people who have had to suffer proximity with this charismatic but flippant egotist.

The Iris Affair

Naturally we understood it was ridiculous from the get-go: a drama about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or annihilate all of humanity. We stuck with it out of pure admiration for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One scarcely reacted when his character died, and the other ultimately slicing Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. That's what you call admitting defeat.

The Gangster Drama

Dodgy characters meeting in empty boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its gangland drama back.

In truth, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a bit dated now, but at least they didn’t suffer the embarrassment of having to accommodate unconvincing dialects. But there were many other problems. Primarily that it was just really boring; a dispute over narcotics territory between various cockney rogues which seemed a bit basic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Considering the extent to which she grinds the gears of the nation’s performatively enraged commentators, it’s almost tempting to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s televised forays into quaint homemaking as intentional provocations. But then you watch them and are forced to admit that in this case, they might have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle catalogue come to life; a poster for evening drinks with ideas of grandeur; a parade of sleeping dogs, humming beehives, Hallmark sayings and pointless crafting “hacks” you’ll not remember instantly. All supported by immense, largely unearned wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are clearly interesting things to be discussed about regarding Victoria Beckham and her journey with career, identity, self-worth. But for some reason, this three-part series opted not to say them. Rather, the experience was akin to reading a marketing catalogue. She clearly has every right to bridle at what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But unfortunately, she didn’t do herself any favours with this guarded letdown of a series.

The Game Show

It had the potential to be the next cultural phenomenon – except even more extravagant, with a famous star as a deceased benefactor and a sharp-tongued personality overseeing her estate. What more could you want? As contestants battled it out, there was plenty of backstabbing and arguing. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s still too complicated to detail what exactly was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw brief appearances of the star via prerecorded videos. The show ended up reeking of a production that was straining desperately to live up to something way beyond it.

Too Much

How does one succeed a show that defined a generation? The expectation was immense for this glitzy romantic comedy about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a shattered romance. The star seized the opportunity by the horns and was joyous to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very slick and, paradoxically, was not enough. Plus, the sheer amount of celebrity friends involved felt uncomfortable.

Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping

Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.

Given the smart inclusion of talented younger comics, expectations were high. But unhappily, most of it didn’t land. A particular sketch was a single joke milked to a dry pulp but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a well-known irate mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, meanwhile, simply inspired the thought that they should probably have remained in there a while longer.

The Knox Dramatisation

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively showcased the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an interesting drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The subject matter needed to be treated with care. Instead, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right voice, lurching from strangely jaunty, slightly mannered farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Complex? Perhaps. A complete mess? Very much so.

The Maths Genius Thriller

We admire the star … but did we believe him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a discovery that could ruin society? Nope! This globe-trotting thriller about secret services spying on – and killing off – academics honestly got more farcical by the second. Formulaic nonsense.

1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story

This hagiography followed the online personality renowned for sexual exploits as she prepared for her biggest challenge yet. What on earth would possess her? What we wanted was far greater examination of her true psychology, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who appeared to haul her son out of the queue. What we got was disturbing imagery and absolutely no interrogation of her notoriety whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the filmmaker has a young daughter too.